It’s raining now, but it’s a nice, soft and gentle rain. Other than the sounds of the drops on my roof, the campground is quiet. After the Ford Escape drama yesterday, I am safe in my motorhome, I assume my car will be fixed and I have a free rental car in the meantime.
I fully understand and appreciate how much worse everything could have been yesterday and that things are not really all that bad today.
So why am I sitting here crying with the sky?
Maybe the shock that I think I went into yesterday when I saw that axle broken on the ground and my wheel all cockeyed has finally worn off and I’m able to fully feel everything again.
Maybe I’m still scared because I can’t quite get the pictures out of my head of what could have been if I had been driving faster or if I had been towing the car when the axle broke.
Maybe I’m petrified at the thought of driving or towing that car again because I really don’t trust it at all now.
Maybe I’m really mad at myself that I bought into Ford’s hype from the documentary I saw “Ford: Rebuilding an American Icon” and believed they really cared about their customers at least as much as their profits. I was so impressed that they hadn’t gone for the government bailout and picked themselves up by their own bootstraps and redesigned their company to be both more efficient and profitable, and their products more safe and reliable.
Maybe I’m mad that Mr. William Clay Ford, Jr. couldn’t even be bothered to answer the two certified letters I sent him back in May asking for answers about the towing issues I and so many others were experiencing and having our long planned for trips ruined because we believed that our cars could be flat towed safely based on Ford’s representations.
I tell myself I should just shut up, dry my tears and be grateful for it all – the rain because so many are experiencing severe drought. The fact that I even have a car to deal with when so many are not able to afford one. The fact that I have a free rental car so I’m still mobile whenever I want to be. The fact that so many people have shown how much they care and went out of their way to help me, even when they didn’t even know me.
Yes, I know I should be more grateful instead of griping about things that are beyond my control and that “bad things” happen to everyone at some time or another.
And I chide myself because I’ve been saying my schedule was getting really hard to keep up with without feeling stressed and rushed, but now I’m griping because I can’t continue with that schedule and I’m mad that I’ll miss some of the things I had planned to see in Michigan.
I’ve often been asked if I get lonely because I travel alone. I always answer that I really don’t and that I prefer doing things on my own and by my own schedule without having to appease anybody else. But right now all I feel is lonely, so I have to admit that.
But I just had the thought that it’s okay to cry with the sky – rain and teardrops have their purpose and there is a time and season for all things under heaven. So even while allowing the tears to fall, I’ll remember that I’ve cried before, but that my tears have dried and the sun always comes out to shine on me again.
Thinking about sunshine after the rain reminded me of rainbows, and I remembered this one I saw with my mom when we were in Stewart, Alaska:
A double rainbow – in Alaska, no less!
The thought of my mommy made me want to be held in her arms and comforted and that just brought on more tears. So maybe I’ll allow myself a period of pity party – I really can’t seem to help it right now – but I’m also praying to keep the faith in sunshine and rainbows at the same time…